It’s a new year, and in the coming weeks we’ll see another round of articles, podcasts and news segments focused on New Years resolutions–how to set and achieve goals around losing weight, transitioning to a new job, finding love, or getting your life organized. We hungrily consume this information and set forth on a year of resolutions that may or may not get done.
Kudos to those of you who were able to accomplish everything you set out to do last year! But for some (myself included), preparing for the start of a new year could be somewhat anxiety-inducing. It’s a time where I may recognize some of the good things that happened, but then let my thoughts get overrun with all of the things I wish I had done but didn’t, all of the things I started but didn’t finish, all of the times I should have pursued an opportunity but didn’t. I ponder whether I’ll ever get anything done, and then launch into a flurry of resolution setting exercises, not really enjoying the process. With my goal list done, I then go back to getting caught up in my day-to-day and almost completely forget about that list until the end of the year, where my thoughts get overrun again with all of the things I wish I had done but didn’t, all of the things I started….you get the picture. The cycle of self-criticism rears up again.
Lots of introspection and inner work has brought me to where I am today–much more effective in how I set and attain goals. I’d like to offer up to you a different way of thinking about New Years resolutions and goal setting that may help you make sense of the anxiety and stress that you may be feeling about it.
My longstanding, contentious relationship with goal setting changed after I had two major realizations: (1) My mindset, how I approached the task of goal setting, had a lot to do with whether or not I ultimately accomplished a goal; and (2) A solid accountability plan goes a long way toward goal completion. I had a third major realization, which I’ll discuss a bit later.
What we say to ourselves about our goals and our ability to attain them can be the most powerful accelerant or blocker of successful goal attainment than anything else. – Lauren Ewing
MINDSET
We often rush to set goals and insufficiently attend to how mindset can help or hinder things. I used to be so self-critical that I developed a “fear of failure” complex that led me to forego pursuing some of the loftier goals I set for myself in favor of smaller, more easily attainable goals. While there was generally nothing wrong with tackling the smaller goals first, it made me more susceptible to charting a path that fell short of the destination I was really trying to pursue in the first place. My mind was playing tricks on me.
I got myself back on track by really starting to check my inner critic and focus on how I wanted to feel regardless of what specific goals I attain. I want to feel fulfilled and content, and once I named those emotions I was able to both identify goals that aligned with those feelings and rule out the goals that didn’t. I also had to offload the weight of past and potential failures so that I could be as mentally nimble as possible in pursuing my new goals. Goals surrounded by positive energy are far less intimidating to tackle.
REFLECT: To what extent is your mindset where you want it to be?
ACCOUNTABILITY
With my mindset in a better place, I approached goal setting with renewed, more positive energy, and I even started working on a few goals at a time. By mid-year, I ran out of steam and my progress stalled. Life and work got busy, time passed, nothing got done. I even made an attempt to seek external support from family and friends to rally for my progress, but that only produced a temporary burst of productivity before I fizzled out again.
I came to realize that having others hold you accountable is good for seeing goals through to completion, but a strong sense of self-accountability is even better. Relying on others to check in on your progress is quite useful but not sustainable in the long-term in absence of your own intrinsic motivation to put in the work when nobody is looking for or asking about it. The ability to be firm but kind with yourself, and to maintain parity between what you do and what you say you’re going to do, are invaluable for goal attainment and for decision making as well.
REFLECT: You’ve set your goal and plotted out your next steps, but what are you going to do to keep yourself on track?
Mindset and accountability both tie back to your sense of self. It’s about elevating your thinking above the goals themselves to focus on creating the best conditions for you to do your best work. This led me to a third realization that elevated my thinking even higher.
VISION
The third major realization I had is that goals without an overarching vision can only take you but so far. However, a well-defined vision can provide countless opportunities for exploration and discovery, uncovering potential goals you may not have considered before. Some of my most valuable accomplishments are those that most directly aligned to my greater vision for my life. Were they always my most strategic accomplishments? Not necessarily, but they undoubtedly fit perfectly within the constellation of experiences that reflect my life purpose. Articulating your vision and purpose can be tough work but it’s worth taking the time.
REFLECT: What’s the theme of your life? What really drives you and to what extent do your goals reflect that? What intention(s) will you set?
Good luck on your goal setting journey and remember to celebrate your successes and learning experiences all year long! If you need help working through these questions, or need help getting unstuck, let’s talk.