A moment of clarity and message of empowerment in these trying times.
In the wake of the recent round of protests in response to the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and the countless others both known and unknown (or, recorded and unrecorded), I initially found myself without words. However, this wordless state didn’t reflect the inner turmoil of emotions I felt. Just a jumble of words, thoughts, memories, flashes of anger and anxiety, moments of despair. Secretly grateful for our current state of sheltering in place because the “outside” just didn’t feel like it could offer me any comfort anyway…. Imagine being so desperate for a silver lining that you start seeing an upside to the effects of one pandemic as a way of coping with the effects of another pandemic.
But one thing I remembered, once I cut through the turmoil, is this:
I have managed to thrive in a system that wasn’t built for my success. I have persevered through adversity in spite of the obstacles placed (sometimes willfully) in my path. I have filled up spaces that didn’t initially want to make room for me and made sure to make room for others once I was there.
I am powerful. I am agentic. And I will continue to assert my presence, unapologetically.
Make no mistake, I wasn’t always this centered. And it took many difficult experiences to get to this point of mental clarity. I’ve had the experience of being the only black woman on a team, yet had colleagues walk right past me in the hallway without acknowledgement because they apparently couldn’t recognize me “with my new hairstyle”. I’ve been hired to a company a level lower than colleagues of similar educational background and experience, while being told that pursuing an early promotion just wasn’t possible when it actually was. I’ve had someone touch my hair, without permission, while attending and presenting at a diversity conference about mitigating unconscious bias. The irony.
These are just a few of many examples I could provide. Every black woman or person of color, regardless of their profession, may likely have similar stories to tell. But the stories themselves aren’t important; it’s the fact that we have persevered through these experiences and have the fortitude to bear the additional mental labor that comes with navigating through these situations that makes us powerful beyond measure. But it’s tiring. We deserve to put down the extra load, and just have the privilege of existing without worrying about our own survival, both literally and figuratively.
So really, I write these brief words as a love letter to myself, and a message of love to all of you for whom my words resonate.
- To those of you who, like me, have become very adept at navigating in work environments where there are few to no other people of color (especially black women), I see you. You know what it’s like to be versatile and adaptable, yet fight to maintain some semblance of authenticity in spaces that weren’t designed for you. You may have paid a price at times for staying true to yourself, but you know that if you don’t value yourself, no one else will.
- To my diversity, equity, and inclusion colleagues and practitioners, who are deeply and actively entrenched in dismantling the systems that have allowed racial bias and inequity to persist, who like myself have been planting seeds for years in what felt like barren soil, we are now starting to see the beginnings of the harvest. Your work has not been in vain and so you should persist, but be sure to care for yourself as you care for the cause. The world needs you.
- And finally, even to those of you who in these past few weeks are learning a lot more about the lived experiences of your Black and brown colleagues than you ever realized and feel shocked, triggered, saddened, activated, etc.: Stay humble, stay open, and stay curious. Being anti-racist is a verb, not a passive state, and allyship should be approached with abundant thinking (in that leveraging your privilege to make space for those who don’t have a seat or a voice doesn’t mean you lose; in fact, all can gain).
As we continue to move through this history-making moment we’re in, we can all decide what role we want to play. Whether we are on the frontlines at the rallies, at home caring for our loved ones, at work making an impact the best way we know how, or doing all three–all while protecting our mental and physical health–showing up and giving our best effort is a form of protest that speaks volumes.
And hopefully, you’ll find some solace in this mantra too:
I am powerful. I am agentic. And I will continue to assert my presence, unapologetically.