On not letting achievement rob me of my joy

So, I recently started taking piano lessons and it’s a big deal–for me, at least. Let me explain.

I always wanted to learn how to play the piano. When I was in junior high, I borrowed a book from the library and successfully taught myself how to play two songs. I was very proud of myself then, and I had so much optimism that I could be great someday. I also played the flute in a concert band, regularly drew and painted, and would sew, crochet, and design, purely for fun.

But then life happened, and from high school onward into adulthood I somehow became more and more consumed with academic and professional achievement while engaging less and less with activities (like music, arts, and crafts) that I enjoyed greatly. Marriage and two kids added another layer of complexity, and my focus and priorities continued to shift further and further away from the things that spoke to an important part of my identity–being an artist and creator. I ultimately felt like I had gotten away from myself.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret my life choices and I have had so many great experiences expressly due to the choices I’ve made. At the same time, I have moments where I wondered: What if I had continued honing my artistic and musical pursuits that I started when I was younger, where would I be now? This thought would then spiral to other musings about my career path. What if I had decided to go to law school as I thought I would for much of my high school years? What if I had applied for a PhD program instead of going to business school? What about that marketing career I used to pine for?

I used to feel that it was too late to address the “what-ifs”, that time has passed and so have some of my opportunities for greatness, until I remembered four things:

1. It’s never too late to innovate. Did you know that research shows the average age of our greatest innovators is 39? We all have a shot at greatness, in our own timing, and we should try our best not to get caught up with the myth that innovation can only be bred in youthfulness. There’s much to be said for the wisdom that comes from life experiences and the potential to do something transformational or impactful as a result. For some of us, our best work and life is yet to come.

2. The grass is always greener. As tempted as I am to look on at others and wish I could have accomplished what they did, there may be someone out there looking at me and wishing the same. It’s a human thing to do, but it’s extremely biased and limiting for our own progress. It’s important to be present, express gratitude for where you are, celebrate what you have accomplished thus far, and determine in what ways you can continue planting seeds in your own garden so that you can continue to flourish. It’s healthy to look to others for inspiration, but not so healthy to do so with envy.

3. It’s okay to be less than great sometimes. As I mentioned earlier, my preoccupation with high achievement has really limited my pursuit of happiness in certain ways, and I now allow myself to more often take pleasure in the pursuit of knowledge itself without always layering on the pressures of mastery. I find it refreshing and important to place myself squarely in the learner’s seat periodically (both professionally and personally) because it serves to keep me grounded and it helps me maintain a growth mindset. It reminds me that I have the capacity to expand my knowledge base, which in and of itself is pretty great.

4. Make the pursuit of joy habitual. We can, and should, build a habit around joy as we would anything else. I signed up for those piano lessons once I realized that I would need to plan for and attend to pouring into myself just as I do for my job, my relationships, and my family. Michelle Obama gave sage advice about planning for joy and giving herself permission for happiness on a daily basis. Once I gave myself that permission, I set an intention, set some specific goals, and started taking action.  As you consider forming your joy habit, also consider the habits you may need to work on breaking in order to enable joy. For me, it was my habit of always putting myself last that I needed to break.

Hopefully my reflection will motivate you to try something new. Step out of your comfort zone. That thing that you thought was too late to do? Give it a try and see what happens. That activity you haven’t done in awhile that always brings you peace? Carve out some time for it this weekend. It’s not too late to make your mark, and it just might be possible that the greatest (re)invention of your life just hasn’t happened yet. Give it some time.

In the end, I signed up for piano lessons and I love it. And while I may never grace the stage of a large music hall, tickling the ivories has brought me joy and a deep sense of fulfillment. Being able to play the “Baby Shark” song on the piano last weekend while my almost three-year old daughter happily sang along warmed my heart in a way no job or traditional achievement could. I have always valued creativity and artistry, and this is an example of living my values and investing in myself. It feels good to know that my values, priorities, and actions are in relatively better alignment now.

What brings you joy? What do you value? How much does it your life reflect those things? What will it take for you to get better alignment between your values, priorities, and actions?

I can help you work through these questions and determine tangible steps to put you on your path to joyful living. Feel free to contact me for a complimentary session.